I have survived four years of undergraduate life at my university.
And then going back to school for three years.
I have had minor psoriasis for years but this past week a weird rash appeared on my face. My doctor diagnosed it as rosacea and prescribed me an anti-biotic to take twice a day for thirty days.
I can’t drink alcohol, or hot drinks, or go tanning (not that I do anyway). I need to invest is some 30 SPF apparently as well.
Today is supposed to be better.
I got up on time and had a good breakfast: huge orange, one egg, piece of toast, two bacon slices. 250 calories.
I have to finish two finals today. Yech.
I’m having lunch on campus so I’m planning on a delicious salad. Dinner will be date nightly.
Things are changing. They just take time.
Terrible night last night. I don’t know what is up or down, black or white, whatever. I thought for sure I knew everything about my life and it turns out I don’t.
I know I’m binging.
Which is actually a lot better than I anticipated.
I drank too much soda and I had a Valentine cake shaped like a heart, you know, those Little Debbie snacks. But that was really my only “binge” and I would even call it that.
I didn’t get to work out but that’sokay.
Now I’m just curled up in bed with my pupperoo (read: Patches, lab/dane mix, weighs about a hundred pounds…it is hard to not see him as a puppy still but he’s three years old) and getting down with some homework.
My master schedule fits all on one page nowadays.
I’ll be done with my undergraduate career in less than a week.
I’ve been no where near a scale on Wednesdays for the past few (and for the next few foreseeable) weeks, so I figured I should probably just weigh in and get it over with and stop putting it off.
I did not like what I saw. In fact I may have sat down on the toilet and cried.
Start weight: 162.5
That was the weight I decided on about a month ago as “I literally NEED to get a handle on this, I can’t possibly keep doing this and gaining.” I was embarrassed then.
Current weight: 167
Clearly my horrendous eating habits are wreaking havoc on my body. I feel like I’m literally killing myself. If I keep eating these things, all this disgusting stuff, I’m going to have a heart attack at 35 and drop dead. I seriously need to get a handle on it. How long can I do this before I destroy my health? my life? I get that there are a million people who would love to weigh 167 pounds, but that’s not me. I’m going up, not down, and I was so close to my goal weight just a year and a half ago.
I’m closing my undergraduate career next week. Actually, in exactly a week. I’m not the triumphant graduate I always knew I would be. I have effectively destroyed my own dreams of who I thought I would be when I graduated.
I have ruined that dream, but I still have dreams and goals left. I don’t have NOTHING left. I don’t have to give up. I can still kick ass and rock my goals and succeed.
Highest weight: 167. Let’s see what kind of bad-assery I can accomplish.
I got a bill for $315 from my dentist and I was informed that I need to have my upper wisdom teeth out, which I have steadfastly been avoiding for four years.
Charlie lost the number to our home inspector, so now that we can finally have our inspection, we might not be able to on time.
I had to send a very difficult email apologizing for my behavior to someone I don’t know very well. I wasn’t going to, but it would have been more stressful to worry about than to step up and apologize…but that is always a difficult email to send.
I am running out of time to work on my papers.
I stopped by a McDonald’s and promised ONLY to use the bathroom. I walked out with ten chicken nuggets, a large fry, and a large soda. I wouldn’t call it a binge, but it wasn’t what I was planning to eat, it was more than I needed to eat, and I can already feel the aspartame in my diet soda giving me a migraine (which I knew it would).
WHAT THE HELL.